Pink pussyhat “controversy”: In which men tell women what to do, again

What’s up? My wife and I are hiding out in our small town, doing everyday life and taking our hopeful moments where we can. Mostly, we stay in; sometimes we go out (and hope that no teenager sees our matching camo sweats and memes us). We bake cookies; we watch “The Chi” and “90-Day Fiancee.” We ask each other, “Are you OK?” several times a day. We check Twitter before our feet hit the floor in the morning to make sure the world’s still here. We are members of “Together, We Will.”

Which brings me to my point. TWW recently posted a piece called “An Open Letter to People Who Love Their Pink Pussy Hats.” It starts with a “thank you for everything you’ve done this year, blah blah blah,” then segues into:

“Please don’t wear your Pink Pussy Hat to this year’s Women’s March.”

Guess why? In part, because:

“I’m a woman, but I don’t have a vagina.” “I have a vagina, but I’m not a woman.” “My vagina is not pink.”

Females have vaginas; males don’t. If you’re a Person of Gender who identifies as a pan-glittter demiboi unicorn with “Meow” pronouns, fine, you do you. However, with intersex exceptions, humans are a sexually dimorphic species. It’s a two-party system. You get what you get and it stays got, no matter what you do.

If you’re female, your vulva is not hot pink unless you have a mean case of bacterial vaginosis you can’t stop scratching, or you are in a porn. Pink wasn’t meant to signify the color of anyone’s genitalia. The pussyhats, created by women of color, were a response to Trump’s “Grab ’em by the pussy” remark. Pink is…a gender marker people put on woman anything. If you wanted to, you could make a brown or black pussyhat. I myself could find some olive/toast colored yarn. Everyone at the march will love!

Unless, of course, they object to to the reality of your vagina itself and not the hat, because it’s “cis privilege” to have female anatomy to be grabbed by. Unless being reminded of womanhood upsets them because “woman” is something it’s impossible to appropriate or to opt out of.

Unless they just wanted you, and all women, to shut up and do as you’re told, because their power comes from women shutting up and doing as they’re told. Women who won’t play nice put little holes in the fabric of male domination until they rend it altogether.

Unless they were men telling women what to do in order to further their male agenda.

Unless they hated you. And hid it behind a guilt-inducing smokescreen of “inclusion.”

The TWW piece goes on:

If it was just a hat, no one would be feeling hurt by it and no one would mind being nicely asked not to wear it anymore.

Yes, I do mind. I realize women are just supposed to go along with being “asked nicely”  because we’re supposed to mind men’s feelings at all times, even at our own expense, but to me that sounds like patriarchy or even fundamentalism.

It isn’t about “feeling hurt.” It’s about being dismissed and told our actual, lived experience in our actual, lived bodies is something to shut up about because it hurts men’s feelings.

But, it’s not just a hat. It is a symbol of personal empowerment and feminism. For many, it’s a symbol of a type of feminism dominated by middle-class white women who have not always been stalwart allies of women of color or transfolks or marginalized folks in general.”

Right. Because we shouldn’t let ordinary middle-class, middle-aged or old white women feel at home in feminism, ever. Because these women have no problems and deserve to be demonized for everything wrong on the left, on the right and in between.

If you want to wear your pussyhat, wear it. Don’t be afraid. Alice Walker said it best: “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”

Have a good Women’s March.