A student got upset in class today, but I couldn’t grok why. Out in the hallway, he ranted weepily whilst pacing hither and yon. He was upset! about something! but heck if I could discern the problem. I considered calling a monitor to haul him off, but instead decided to pretend he was a very butch drunk lesbian outside the bar where I used to work security. I imagined that this very butch drunk lesbian had just seen her girlfriend leave with someone else, and the bar was closing, and I wasn’t letting her set up for another round of pool. At this point, the scene became cozily familiar and my anxiety disappeared. The kid was back in class within five minutes. Score.