Have any of you experienced the horror of recurrent yeast infections? Yeast infections with no apparent cause? And then every dyke and her ex-girlfriend wants to help by enumerating why it’s probably your fault?
“It’s probably a wheat sensitivity.”
“You still eat DAIRY? Ooh.”
“Yeast feeds on sugar.”
“My homeopath says you must have unresolved stress. Or diabetes.”
I’ve eaten wheat all my life and I put cream in my coffee and I never met a cookie I didn’t like and OF COURSE I have unresolved stress: I’m alive. That doesn’t mean I ought to be able to bake a nice hot loaf of bread in my vagina.
My vagina was FINE when I ate more wheat/dairy/sugar than I do now; and FINE when I was emotionally tortured daily by my still-kind-of-a-man ex-partner. So I don’t UNDERSTAND.
These yeast infections don’t care what I eat or don’t eat; where I am in my cycle; whether I’m anxious or comatose. I went to the doctor and all I got was a $200 invoice (my insurance didn’t cover it, but bet you any money they’d pay up for Viagra). I’ve tried every drugstore remedy there is; every incarnation of Diflucan, but the little bastard keeps returning. And then the dykes and their ex-girlfriends want to help with homeopathic, Wiccan, magickal cures. I have tried:
- A clove of garlic wrapped in cheesecloth and nestled, you know, in my portal of life
- Apple cider vinegar
- Probiotics by mouth
- Yogurt by vagina (wouldn’t that be a good brand name for an all-women’s yogurt company in, say, Oregon? Yogurt By Vagina.
- Tea tree oil (full-strength; that was one hell of an afternoon).
One time, I got so desperate that I drew a hot bath and tried them all at once. I floated there in the Pussy Soup for awhile, feeling ridiculous. And still itchy.
I want to make a salient feminist point here! Of some kind! But I think maybe what I’m after is sympathy (Hallmark doesn’t make a card for this) and perhaps ideas for a few treatments I haven’t yet tried. Has anyone ever used boric acid? I’m scared to try it, because its name includes the word “acid.”